actress acting art and what ? el 29/10/2024
English one

Lately, I was thinking what is my work ?

Cause when you choose or not to stop working for a long time. In this artistic – passion driven jobs – field, to stop doing acting in exchange of a bunch of money that make a living, stop selling your art and stop simply doing it is staying with this strange sensation of not being an actress anymore, that appears quietly and progressively, without a sound, in your mind and I really didn’t like the feeling. Because I start making excuses to believe it.

And you know what ?
You become what you believe in.

Starting to explain to others your non-working activities
starting to diminish what you make for living “I’m – kind of – an actress…
“I’m into a break – I’m switching to become […]”

to feel betrayed by your own self.

Uhm well, if you’re not supporting by you
who will do it then ?

etc etcetera et bla et bla et bla.
shouting shouting shouting shit
Letting all this come in
your mind chained by these thoughts
again and again until it happens for real
oh, yea-yes-yeah !

Well, stop it. stop it now.

«…»

So I change the story in a moment of emptiness
Cause crafting is my blood
nobody’s like it ? Fine. it’s still in my genes.
Nobody to erase it.

Believe it.

capish ?

Remember. do not let anybody include yourself – made by fear –
erase what you know is profoundly in your genes. fair.

Inverse the melody your singing to yourself
prosper prosper prosper.

Though.
I was traveling to escape myself
Moving my empty body like in walking dead
Feel the discomfort of the waste
Stop and think,
Asking
hey,
Stars ?
What am I doing but filling
The blank spaces in my feelings

Looking for
A job ? Something to be cause I don’t know what it is.
Being outside of acting. Am I a scam bottle of nothing ?
No skills nor things small seasonal jobs no more
No care in anyways i’m leaving.
Damn. What do I need ?

But my job is to dream
my job is to explore
my job is to understand what
How the struggler struggle
Why we feel stuck how to unlock the stock
how we behave.

If I stay in my place tight in any ways
Isn’t it better to be tight outside of my
already non-comfort flatty zone
I’ve been all these days alone
Just move out and see the world
Broke is broke
France or Spain it’s the same.

But then rich, rich. rich
oh yes, yes, yes. You’ll get
Because you move
Because you’re change-ing.
rebaound-ing
replant-ing
in your humain brain.
some seeds, and beans here and there.

human human
Rumor is that manner’s my main job
experiencing life’s the teaching
feelings’s learning

Action clap and bim.

Need to get stuck
Need the struggle
Need the fail
Need the trouble
to be empty
to feel dumb
and fool
Uncomfortable,
Not understood.

These life’s biggest moments
human kind passes through
Is what as an artist I need to use
Not to complain but understand
how to behave and talk and stand
Not to act but realize.
film the dream through my truth’s eyes.

How does it feels ? how does it works ? How we interact how we lies inside outside unhide.
Need to create to understand and understand to create understanding is living.
living is acting acting is having experiences experiences is moving far from what you actually knowing.

be surprised and sublime

Let make a change and rise.

Being curious being bold.
Waking up from the tomb
boil the blood and bonce

the more life experiences you get
colors filled you become
In life in dreams in crafting,

My job is to explore
to go through fears
talk meet love
give appreciate get bored and comprehend
feel the pain anger of this whole Wilde world
let it get through my body, my mind
take a bit of craziness and imagine
through your prism what the world could be
Crafting it. Modeling it creating it
That is what’s an artist need to be.

I just think.